Dear Mr. or Mrs. Stupid Person,
Stop. Just stop. On a daily basis you are repeatedly stabbing common sense to death. It just can’t take it anymore. We are seeing what you’re doing and it needs to end today – like now. While we’re talking, here are a few things you should start doing. In fact, you should have been doing them already. But, I digress.
Eating my food out of the office fridge: Is classless your middle name? Didn’t you see my name on the paper bag? Unless you’re going to replace my food with something better than a PB&J, hands off my sandwich and Doritos. Also, if my food is out on a table, that’s a “no touchy,” too. If it isn’t yours, don’t eat it.
No. It doesn't go here.
Putting the cart back in the cart caddy: I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in a grocery store parking lot and have seen runaway carts. It’s not that hard to just take the few extra feet to put the cart back in the appropriate place. What is it called? A cart caddy? Cart park? Whatever the name is, put the cart there. I know it must feel like a trek across the asphalt desert, but those of us who have common sense will be grateful.
Flushing the urinal: When you go to the bathroom, what’s the first thing you do after doing your business? You flush. It’s as simple as that. Nobody wants to see your “leavings” in either the toilet or urinal. But seriously, are you that lazy that you can’t hit the little lever like most normal human beings do? Flush. Please, just flush.
Just flush it.
Posting on Facebook: Your dirty laundry belongs in a laundry basket – not the web. Someone said: “The Internet's not written in pencil. It's written in ink.” I don’t need to know that you just got your tubes tied or that you had a fight with your lady. Next time, use this thing called “common sense” and think about what you’re about the permanently broadcast to the world. Yes, I have actually seen status updates about tubes and fights.
Not using “You’re” and “Your” correctly: This one isn’t that hard, ok? “You’re” is combining the words of “you” and “are” together to form “you’re.” You’re putting in an apostrophe to signify that you’ve shortened the word, taken out the “a,” and made the word “you’re.” Now, “your” is signifying ownership of something. As in, your usage of “you’re” and “your” is wrong.
If you think you shouldn’t say it, then don’t: You’ve got a thought in your mind right now. But, you also have some hesitation, too. Listen to that hesitation and don’t say whatever it is. That little small voice is trying to tell you: “Don’t be dumb – I wouldn’t say that if I were you.” Perhaps that little voice has another name: “Common Sense.” It’s always a good idea to listen to it. But, let’s just think about this way: if you have to start a sentence with “Not to name names” or “I shouldn’t say this,” then you probably shouldn’t name names or say it.
Wash your hands: it's just common sense, man!
Not washing your hands after using the can: I’m sitting in the next stall over and I hear you leave. But, I didn’t hear one important thing: the faucet. Remind me not to shake your hand. That’s nasty! While I’m thinking about it, the bathroom stall isn’t the place to answer your phone and have an all out conversation on your phone. Again, that’s nasty! And plus, everyone can hear everything you’re saying. I appreciate the invite into your conversation, but no thanks, man.
Not using your turn signal: There is this little lever on the left side of your steering wheel. If you hit that lever either up or down, it could really help in avoiding any confusion and sudden pressing of the brakes. The turn signal isn’t a little fun feature for your car, it’s a necessity in operating a car.
Lip smacking and chewing sounds: This just might be the grand daddy of them all. I understand you are really enjoying your food or gum, but don’t share every little movement of your mouth with the rest of us. It is quite possibly the worst sound on planet earth. Continuing to do so will result in daggers shot at you from my eyes.
(Photos courtesy of Shutterstock).